So long as the memory of certain beloved friends lives in my heart, I shall say that life is good. (Helen Keller)

Helen Keller was the world-famous deaf-blind activist, taught by one who saw her potential and helped her to realise it. Her teacher, Anne Sullivan refused to give up on her and helped her to achieve a BA degree from the world-famous Harvard University. Throughout her life she campaigned for justice, especially for those who were disabled in some way. She worked tirelessly for inclusion for all supporting women's suffrage and civil rights for all, regardless of colour. Helen remained friends with her mentor, Ann until she died; Ann refused to give up on her in an age that would ignore those who were deaf and blind. Ann's friendship supported her through good times and the bad; as an educator, she was not content with the status quo—she wanted to reach for the stars because she wanted the very best for Helen.

True friendship is all about this: a friend will not manipulate or coerce; a true friend is there for you and is not afraid to praise you when things are going well or challenge you when you are proving more than a little difficult. Over these past ten months, we have probably realised who our true friends are. We all have those 'fair weather friends' who are there during the good times, when life is full of joy and laughter. True friends are there during these happy times, but do not abandon us in the problems and 'wobbles' that COVID-19 have brought us. As I have said before, the pandemic has shown us who are real friends are.

In these days when we celebrate the gift of Don Bosco's friendship to the Church, we tend to naturally think of our special friends, especially those who may have introduced us to this great saint. As a ten-year-old, I was delighted that my best friend, Sean Gillespie told me about the 'Don Bosco Camps'. I think my parents were even happier as they got rid of me for two weeks—all for the princely sum of £5. I made friends on that holiday over fifty years ago that I still have today. We all have that gift or memento that a friend gave us that still brings pleasure and happiness. I have pictures, mugs and little mementos on my desk that are not worth a fortune in terms of money but are priceless to me—just looking at them evokes memories of happy days, as I remember the gift of friendship and those who have gifted them to me. My life to date is chronicled on that desk, as I realise that my friends, many absent and far away, are still very much alive in my heart. These simple things are very much part of the 'Eucharist of the ordinary' that John O'Donohue proposes. Your cards, letters, tweets and emails to those special ones will bring great comfort and joy.

O'Donohue, in his reflections and poetry, helps us to appreciate the Celtic ideal of the 'Anam Cara' in friendship. In pre-pandemic days I loved to travel with the airline of my home nation, always feeling at home as soon as I stepped aboard one of their jets. Aer Lingus is internationally recognised as the 'friendly airline'—their inflight magazine is simply called 'Cara' which is Gaelic for 'friend. 'Anam' is akin to the English word, 'animated' or 'lively' and is translated by 'soul'. Thus the 'Anam Cara' is the soul friend, the one who knows you deeply, the one whom you would go to immediately if they rang you at 3.00am! In ancient Celtic spirituality, the Anam Cara is also your teacher and guide, as Ann Sullivan was to Helen Keller. In the early Irish Church, your Anam Cara was likely to be your spiritual director—I would urge you to find a spiritual director if you have not got one. In these past two, difficult years, mine has been a lifeline. With the anam cara you could share your inner-most self, your mind and your heart. This friendship was an act of recognition and belonging. When you have an anam cara, your friendship cut across all convention, morality, and category. You were joined in an ancient and eternal way with the "friend of your soul." The Celtic understanding did not set limitations of space or time on the soul. There is no cage for the soul. The soul is a divine light that flows into you and into your Other. This art of belonging awakened and fostered a deep and special companionship.

With true friends you never have to wear a mask, you never have to 'appear' to be in control—you can be yourself. Some of us can go through life and never have the deepness of such a friendship—in many ways it will depend on your personality and ability to trust. O'Donohue writes about that need to be comfortable in true friendship and realise that your friend only wants the best for you. True friendship means that you feel very much at home:

Where you are understood, you are at home. Understanding nourishes belonging. When you really feel understood, you feel free to release yourself into the trust and shelter of the other person's soul. ('Anam Cara')

For Don Bosco this ideal of 'accompaniment' in true friendship was summed up in his notion of 'presence'. The true Anam Cara is present and will never be a fair-weather friend. I love to read The Velveteen Rabbit' by Margery Williams, especially when I prepare couples for the sacrament of marriage. It is the tale of a toy rabbit who longs to be real just like the rabbits playing outside in the garden. He reveals his secret to the oldest and wisest toy in the nursery, the old skin horse. Williams helps children to appreciate that we do not live in an instant society. Real love and real friendship have to be worked at-they never 'just happen.' Their wonderful conversation goes on, as the inquisitive rabbit asks, 'how do you become REAL?':

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.

Our true anam cara will see us through those hard times; this pandemic has helped us see those with the 'sharp edges' and avoid those who need to be 'carefully kept'. With the true anam cara you can never 'be ugly' as they do understand. The wise old horse realised that friendship needs to worked on as we BECOME friends. These past two years have certainly tested friendship, especially if you were unable share the same social bubble as your special friends. When churches had to close to organised worship, we missed out on support such as spiritual direction, the sacrament of reconciliation, and even the cup of tea after mass. Even today congregations are slowly returning to sense of normality, fully aware that new variants of Covid could force us back to the need to isolate. As we slowly work together to rebuild our friendships, I pray that you have an anam cara who will support you. Remember that friendship is a two-way street: while you gain, you also bring equally as much to the relationship. True friendship is never dominating; we follow the example of our ultimate anam cara, Jesus. In his ministry and Word, Jesus offers understanding and care as he calls us his friends:

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. (Jn 15:15)

You may not have seen those special friends very lately because of our unique pandemic circumstances. However, they will not forget you, nor will you forget them. Friendship can be challenging, but it brings so much joy too-sometimes we have to be prepared to take risks, as O'Donohue advocates:

A friend is a loved one who awakens your life in order to free the wild possibilities within you. ('Anam Cara')

Author: Fr Gerry O'Shaughnessy SDB

Image: Duy Pham on Unsplash